At 3 in the morning

So... This is another attempt at poetry. 

This time dealing with something that's been a part of me my entire life: travel. 

I've been travelling since I wasnt even able to walk, and my folks always liked travelling by train, even back then. 

And since coming to college, there's been... A collection of moments that you don't really notice till you're awake at 3 in the morning and everything and everyone around you is asleep. 

Which is what was happening on a recent trip back home for a long weekend, where I took this picture from inside my closed off lower side berth. :)

Enjoy. :)

And as always, I'm open to criticism. 

A world apart, this world outside,

That shimmers past in the darkest light

Moving too quickly for eyes to focus,

Of life and lives living like us

From inside this train, we rock along,

To the lull of the tracks, like a song,

Seeing lights burst softly, then vanish,

Falling asleep, to dreams most lavish

Compartments and carriages, now softly asleep,

Breaking silence with snores from dreams so deep.

Lights peering in, standing still, 

While we move along, through valley and hill.

The world shaking beneath and all around,

As metal groans, and chest does pound,

We drift slowly to the rhythm of the track,

Through darkness and silence, and dreams to ransack.

"I've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers."

"I've got all this ringing in my ears, and none on my fingers."

Yes, the title is the same as a song by Fall Out Boy. What can I say?
I'm a fan.


So, this is my first COMPLETED poem I've written (meaning, its not my first attempt at poetry, just that this one is the first completed one. The other thing, is huge, massive and all things that trigger a "thats what she said" joke.)

A little backstory: Its about someone who desperately wants to play the music in his mind, but unfortunately he doesnt have the talent he needs to make it happen. Then he does. :P
Then he plays. :)

Enjoy :)


Trading my mind for a rhythm in my fingers,
to play the songs that haunt me so.
Trembling hands running with the music that lingers, 
that echo, set your pulse racing and your eyes aglow.
Turning my dreams into the notes on the pages,
into words and lyrics for the voices to live,
that dance in the wind, painting like brushes, 
The music of my thoughts and the melodies I give, 
to call the listeners of this world, the dreamers,
the weary travellers and the world weary thinkers,
alike, to the edge where I play my symphony, 
where the sky thrums with notes, dancing in harmony.

Its short, its simple.

So, let me know what you all think. :)

An open rant on Love trumps All.

A minor rant. I have NO Idea why there are so many lines between the sentences... it makes it a lot longer than I ever intended it to come out... So.. Read this with a little amount of patience please.

So there are two types of people on social media (the majority of the people fit under this. If you dont, good for you.)

People who are complaining about the President of the united States: Donald Trump.

and

People who remind the first set of people that Trump isnt the president of THEIR Country (Unless you're American. In which case, denial dont work, this is whom you're stuck with for four years.)

Things I would like to point out/add:

He may not be your own country's president, but considering that the USA has a large influence on how the economy and trends (yes, trends) work, its better when one of the largest powers in the UN isnt being run by him.

Secondly, considering how many of you are doing your level best to go to the States to either study, or emigrate there, him being in power DOES Affect you, and the Irony of all your "He isnt My country's president" should reach you about.... Now?

This is the man who influenced/inspired the largest protest rally, made up of an entire GENDER (and some members of the other genders) (yes, plural).

This is the guy who still wants to build a wall between USA and Mexico.

This is the guy who called into question the integrity of the election process (which he was right about, but cos of Russia, and not because of the votes coming in from the undocumented mexicans he seems to have a fascination with.).

He has done nothing to Control or Squash the Alt-Right movement.

(Bad joke about Ctrl+Alt+Delete... I'll think of something towards the end mostly.)

Now, American presidents have often been referred to as "The leader of the free world" and having someone with such character, who can inspire such protests... Well, its kinda like a rubix cube being used as the final puzzle piece in a large convoluted problem. Sure, the size and shape fits, but I dont think any of the faces are what anyone can consider an overall solution.

Coming to my second point.

Cmon.

We know that there are millions of kids who want to go to the states to study.

Now, breaking news:

Studies are going to be one PART of your day. It may be a large part of the day, but its still one part of it only.

The rest of the time, you're gonna have to fend for yourself.

You need to step outside, to go buy food, to get whatever additional work done, and so on.

Basically experience life.

Now most of you wont be coming back except during the semester breaks, or the major holidays like Diwali. Meaning you'll be there in the USA for an extended period of time.

You wanna say that line again, about how since you're not American, it wont affect you?

Now, most of you, or a few, I dont know..

Some of you wont be going abroad, and living there, so the second point doesnt have anything to do with you.

But the first does.

And that is,

(Quick recap)

He managed to get an entire gender to protest his election into the office.

And keep in mind:

3.3 Million Joined the Womens' March (3 times the inauguration) with no violence.

People marched against Trump in all 7 Continents. Yes. 7.

This included Antarctica. You should now be thinking two things:

How on Earth did this guy manage to inspire such a reaction? In ANTARCTICA?!

Ah... Antarctica. I wonder if the penguins were around.

If you werent thinking the latter, you're lying. :P

Point is...

when I wake up slightly early and check social media before I have to get ready for classes, I dont wanna have to see Sharma Ji's son's aunt posting a picture saying that non americans have no right or no need to talk about foreign affairs since it doesnt concern them.

Because invariably, I know that the same person is going to post 100+ messages and pictures of her kids going off to the States for a job or to study, with all the appropriate hashtags and tagging.

When an issue against a person's character is due to the fact that multiple nations, genders, and people feel legitimately threatened, then it becomes important that people globally come together to help.

Not this idiotic notion of "Not my issue, so I cant see it. LALALALALALALALA IM IGNORING YOU."

And I wanna just end this by saying a few things:

Go to the States if you want to. Nothing wrong about that! Just make sure you know what you're getting into. No one is questioning your choices, or condemn them.

Dont tell someone whos standing on behalf of Women rights that it doesnt concern them since its not their country. Yes, we need to give more focus to our own Nation's problems, but when its something large scale, it doesnt hurt to give ear and word once in a while. Dont stamp it out just because you dont like it.

If you, or your loved ones and family, feel targeted by this post, then I want you to keep three things in mind:

1) The numbers I pulled about the Womens' march were correct. I did in fact look them up before mentioning them.

2) If you are someone who's name IS Sharma, it was purely coincidental. intention was humour.

3) I really thought I had a third one.... Hmmmm... oh! yes!! My opinions are my own, and my blog is there for me to express said opinion. I dont intend to offend or hurt.

and in the trend of all 9Gag posts:

sorry for the long rant.

Here is a potato.

What happened, but didnt really happened.

This Saturday, around 10 AM, we all get an email saying that both Tuesday and Monday are holidays. In that order. Originally Tuesday was declared as a holiday, but then at the end of the same email, Monday being a holiday was added, almost as an afterthought.

Thus began an almost exodus as college students gleefully began planning with their friends to go away from the campus for a few days. Following that, crushed hopes and dreams when they found out that getting their leave approved by their faculty advisor would be next to impossible (But a few managed somehow).

Most of us left and got out and what not.

Many did not.

I was one of those many.

BUT! 

I had a plan! 

I was going to use that time to do stuff! Important stuff! 

I was going to do a movie marathon of the entire Harry Potter Series (Except the order of the phoenix), the LOTR trilogy (NOT the hobbit one. That one needs to get retconned after the second movie...), and possibly The Chronicles of Narnia (Why did they ever stop making those movies, I wonder..)

But then I met an old roommate of mine. Who introduced me to "Salad Fingers."

Now, for those of you who dont know what Salad Fingers is, please look it up, BEFORE YOU GO SEE IT.
THEN, go see it.

I dont normally get creeped out, but good god, this one twisted my mind around along the horizontal direction, then halfway vertically, and then let it snap back like an elastic band.


So I needed some time to recover from that, because it REALLY REALLY got under my skin, and through my head.

So I found the perfect solution:

Music.

Music is possibly one of the two things which can clear and heal the corrosion of the mind.

In my second year, I had started going down a slightly darker path, where I found it ridiculously difficult to get out of bed in the mornings, loss of appetite, lack of sleep, and then sudden reversal.
There were moments when my thoughts would be extremely dark and I would just be staring at things through a greyscale filter in real time.

So what I ended up doing was reading. Reading being the second thing that can help clear the corrosion of the mind.

I guess I must have needed some help back then (Im fine now! Thank you for asking! :D ) because I ended up reading some... 33 books in 5 days on my laptop.

Anyhow, how does that relate to this post?

Salad Fingers got under my skin like nothing on the internet ever has. I say this, keeping in mind that I have read a tonne of Creepypastas, and stories from the interweb.
Stuff like...
The Russian Sleep Experiment (based off stories from Japan's Unit 731, Nazi Experimentation during the second world war, and so on)
Ben Drowned (This one was especially well done.)

But this... for some reason... it just bothered me a little too much. I dont know why but stories about how the mind deteriorates hits me somewhat harder.

So. Music. The cure.

Last time, in my post I mentioned some amazing instrumental music from video games. I tried looking for something similar on youtube this time, and I was really not disappointed.

How many of you guys seen the movies of Pitch Perfect?
Yes! THIS is where I landed up in my internet search after looking for ways to cleanse my mind of that creepy hell which is the 10 episode series of SaladFingers (I am still not 100% over that, and its still got me somewhat shuddering at each memory of that..... voice.....)

But. Pitch Perfect 1 and 2. The Acapella movies which made me regret being born in a family with such musical talent, but having none of my own. (Apparently I used to sing when I was younger, but it hasnt manifested itself anytime lately..)

So what did I find?
Take a look :D

So the guy who made this video, Mike Tompkins makes these amazing videos, all Acapella, and made using people from all over the world. Take a look at his channel and take a look at his videos!

I'll put up the two videos which actually helped me calm down a bit and get back to normal. (or whatever my equivalent of normal is.)

Ooooh.... Speaking of..

Normal, can also be taken to mean mean, or average.

So if you took all the characteristics of all the people in the world, and took the average, or their mean, then you notice something slightly odd.

The "normal" which is considered as the average of all these people is purely theoretical.

Meaning, not one single person exists in this world of ours who is "Normal".

Just thought I would throw this out there. 

Now, I love the song "Closer" by ChainSmokers, and I think this rendition of their track is simpl incredible. I really hope you guys give it a listen and enjoy it as much as I did.


BUT. I wasnt done yet. Through some suggestions here and there, I found some other stuff.

There is this channel, Wintergatan. He made...
You know what, just take a look at this.
He made this through one part trial and error, one part genius. He calls it the Marble Machine, which uses 2000 marbles to make music.

This is... I am in awe of this machine. The guy took one year to make it, and he did it by hand (no usage of computer software except to make the giant programming wheel.) There are "How it was made" videos where he talks about the construction and working of the machine.

As cliched as it may be for me to say this, as an electronics and communications engineer, to me this is honestly an engineering marvel. (That statement may make no sense, so ignore it if it doesnt. If it does, stop, stare, oooh, aaaaah, and continue.)

Apparently, this machine has some major flaws in the construction, and he is making a second machine, this time, using a CNC, and CAD for making the structure digitally. 

That project is going to happen through 2017, so I have some stuff to look forward to besides the release of the Nintendo Switch, and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. 

So, just to recap:

What happened: VIT Declared a holiday a little too late for us to plan our escape.

What followed: People making plans to go to Pondicherry and Bangalore.

What I planned on doing: Movie marathon of the Harry Potter Series (Except Movie 5), Lord of the Rings (And only these.), the Chronicles of Narnia, and possibly (Now that I think about it, the two Pitch Perfect movies.)

What ended up happening instead: My old roommate creed the crap out of me, and I found solace in music, engineering (or a product of), and inspiration to make this blogpost.

Since I have two more days in my extended weekend, I wanna know something from anyone reading this:

what music do you listen to when you want to "normalise" or just chill out?

Whats your favourite music?

Till then,

Looking Forward To 2017.

Hope you guys are having a great week. :)

- Ryan

My Review of The Assassin's Creed movie

Assassin’s Creed: A review

Assassin’s Creed, the movie based off the games of the same name, released a few days back in 2016. For fans of the series, it was released the same day that Desmond Miles opened the Grand Temple in Assassin’s Creed III.

Despite critics giving it poor ratings and writing it off as another failed video game movie, it is everything but. It was specially mentioned that the movie doesn’t have anything to do with the games which have been released, but is a part of the same universe, and the movie doesn’t disappoint.

It even plays out like an assassin’s creed game. In the beginning we get a glimpse of what the memory inside the Animus is like, followed by an introduction of the real time character protagonist, and then begins the plot.

So let’s start at the beginning. All assassin’s creed games are divided up into memory sequences. Within the Animus memories, the local languages are made into English for the gamer’s convenience. However, with the movie, it remained true to the actual memory of the ancestor being revisited. It’s a nice touch, I thought.

The sequence of events is so clear and cut in the movie that I am seriously expecting an Xbox 360 notification in the corner of the screen somewhere, saying “Achievement Unlocked.”

Now. A few things about this movie really stand out to me, and I have both good and bad things to say about this movie, but the good far outweighs the bad.

Firstly, the direction and the editing. Critics gave the movie a low rating, saying that the movie spent more time in the real world than inside the memory of the ancestor. I have to say, this is true, but the generalization is unjustified.

The way the direction and editing of the movie are done, it seamlessly switches between the Animus memory and the real world, so you have one moment where a polearm swing starts off with Aguilar, and ending with Callum lynch, showing how the animus works at synchronizing the memories of both ancestor and descendant. So, a lot of the scenes were never really 100% inside the animus, like what we find inside the games, leading to the generalization of “65% of the movie is in the real world, and not in the animus.”

The second thing I liked about this was the Animus. In the games, all of them till Assassin’s Creed III, we had an animus which would make the subject in an almost comatose state as he/she would progress through the memories of his/her ancestor. Basically the memories would be visible to the subject only in their mind, and these memories would show up as electrical data and viewed and recorded by whoever was monitoring the situation outside the Animus.

Not the best way to go about in a movie. People were complaining about the premise of the movie already, and now we want to add the whole “Wait. He went to sleep, and woke up with super agility and strength? Is this a remake of The Matrix?” to the mix? Nope.

The new animus actually features a movable arm which helped the memories take shape in a semi physical form, visible to the observers directly, instead of through a monitor. Again, coming back to the visuals and the direction, this was amazing.

The fight scenes, both big and small, had the audience at the edge of their seats. The combat shown was incredible and looked incredibly realistic and not drawn out or over exaggerated like most other films tend to do.

A lot of people said that they didn’t understand the movie because they didn’t play the game beforehand. Now, most likely these are the same people who would be marching up and down the aisle screaming the words “video game movie curse” to anyone who would listen, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. A lot of terminology that game fans are familiar with have been mentioned and explained, like the Bleeding Effect, the leap of faith, and the Apple of Eden.

The actual plot is actually pretty simple. The movie revolves around one thing mainly: finding the Apple of Eden. That’s what the Templars’ Abstergo foundation want. That’s what the majority of the movie is about. The whole part about meeting other assassins in the facility, and seeing the switch at the end of the movie made it better than just having everyone parading around like NPCs.

Characters are pretty good as well. We don’t have the single minded evil scientist in Sophia Rikkin, which we saw in Warren Vidic. We have a protagonist character with a past, and character development, and an actual personality. We had side characters who brought a lot to the movie.

The bleeding effect shown in the movie was very well thought out and executed. Instead of having personalities of the old assassins threatening to overwrite the subject’s mind, it shows up as hallucinations which don’t cause nearly as much damage as they did in the games.

The movie plays out like the game, and to veteran Assassin’s Creed players, you can even mentally distinguish between the memory sequences. However, there are a few things which don’t sit well with me about the movie.

The length. While the movie is about one hour and fifty minutes, I feel like the movie was focusing entirely on the main plot of an AC game, and not bothering to deal with any of the side quests. Yes, the movie was amazing, but I would have liked to have seen some more of the scenes between each memory sequence of the Assassin Aguilar.

The bleeding effect and the Abstergo industry. Now, I did praise the inclusion and execution of both above, but there were a few drawbacks and flaws which I thought were pretty obvious. Abstergo has been the face of the Templars in the 21^st Century, and no longer officially go by the name “Templars.” The setting of Abstergo: Spain was very well done, but it looked a lot like a reuse of the models used by Castle Sant’Angelo (the one from Brotherhood)’s interior, and the abstergo facility from AC III. I would have liked them to have gone for a more modern and unique look for the facility, but maybe I’m just asking for a bit much.

Most assassins in the games are shown to have three abilities that set them apart from everyone else: free running, combat mastery, and the eagle vision. Through the bleeding effect, these abilities are passed on to the subject inside the animus. Callum Lynch was bestowed with both free running and combat mastery, but throughout the movie there was never any mention of eagle vision. Once the movie started and the first two sequences had been completed and we saw the way the free running and combat was being transferred, I was eagerly looking forward to how the movie would showcase the eagle vision. Suffice to say, I was incredibly disappointed that it never made an appearance. I mean, sure, leaps of faith, and free running are iconic to the Assassin’s Creed universe, but so is possession of the Eagle Vision! Hopefully they add this in the upcoming movies.

Lastly, the presence of Michael Fassbender himself. It seemed there was a bleeding effect between the real world and the movie of sorts as well. Fassbender, known for his iconic portrayal of the mutant Magneto in X Men: First Class, Days of Future Past and Apocalypse, seems to have some of that fame pass on to the movie. Don’t get me wrong, his acting was phenomenal, both as Lynch and Aguilar.

However, in the movie, there was…

The security guards were carrying batons, and the plastic and glass ones. Similar to the ones we see in the X men movies when Magneto is kept under guard. Towards the end, you had a security officer in the 21^st Century, shooting with a Crossbow. A Crossbow. Miniature, and possibly made entirely from fiberglass or other light materials. There was also a lack of any firearms.

Yes, there was a notion that none of the patients should be harmed or had unnecessary force exerted on them, but there was no contingency for having actual firearms in case of an emergency?

People at Abstergo acting like Michael Fassbender was still Magneto, with the ability to take their guns and shoot them with it. The management of the Abstergo facility seems to be either really lazy, or really stupid. The inclusion of a crossbow in the 21^st century was appalling to say the least.

So in conclusion, I have to say that the movie was amazing. I don’t know what most of the critics were thinking when they gave this movie a bad review and rating. Most of the reviews given seem like they were already of some biased opinions before going to see the movie, and in some form, contemptuously looking at the movie for being based off a game. People also saying that the movie ended without closing all loose ends, despite the fact that the movie was intended to be a part of a trilogy and not as a standalone movie.

Yes, I can accept that out of 10, 2 points can be taken off for not including the eagle vision, the inclusion of the crossbows and pretending that it was Magneto not Callum Lynch they had imprisoned, and the weird potential romance between Lynch and Sophie Rikkin.

A good movie, worth watching in the theatres. Probably not in 3D because most 3D glasses tend to make the scenes darker and less visible than they ought to.

Laa shay’a waqui’un matlaq bale kouloun moumkin.

Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. 

Headcannons

Okay, so I have a lot of ideas in my head, and most of them I tend to forget or I just lose interest after the fist idea strikes me.

Here are some of the ideas which stuck around, and which I hope some people enjoy.

1) The Application of BGM in Games:

You tend to tense up somewhat when you reach an area in the game that has a lot of health packs, ammo, and stores, mid zone.

Usually around this time, the bgm goes either really quiet or somewhat ominous.

Essentially, this:

Now there was some talk somewhere on the internet (again, in major part, Tumblr), which came up with this amazing idea:

While all this is well and good, I'm thinking something different and possibly sinister. 

Imagine a game where you just fended off a massive dungeon room with all sorts of creatures, and then you reach for the room with all the health items and the potions. (If you're playing an FPS, then all the health kits, and ammo your tiny little character is capable of holding.) The music playing is somewhat peaceful.

Not exactly quiet, but not exactly loud either.

Its the music that you heard throughout your journey as you explored the wide open spaces of the overworld. 

For those of you wondering, that would be:

For Fallout 4

From Skyrim, I give the music from Whiterun: 

From Bioshock Infinite (Not the original two.. those dont have any peaceful music):

Which is neither Boss music nor any form of soothing relaxing music. It is Alive! But its still not the type to get you mentally preparing yourself for a Dark Souls 2 type of Boss.

So what happens if you're in a room, and the terrible battle music from the previous room slowly fades into the Skyrim one or the Fallout one?

You would relax, I'm guessing. Think that the worst of it is over. If you're one of the more gung-ho gamers, you would possibly also feel somewhat disappointed.

You enter the next room, all calm music still playing and you feel just that small twinge of accomplishment. Mentally going "Aw yiss.... That dungeon was easy as hell!"

You're in a somewhat closed off area, and at the edge of the room is a large creature, humanoid in shape. As you approach it, the music continues and doesnt change once.

It (he for my narration purposes) seemingly notices you and starts moving towards you as well. 

The music is still playing, and you mentally clench. You're expecting a cutscene or something once you approach the beast.

Nay! As you approach him, he barely acknowledges you, and walks right past you. The nerve!

In game mechanics make it that no matter what you do, he is an object which just cannot be interacted with, no matter how many spells you launch at him, or how many times you swing your sword. 

You give up, and then reach the end of the room. At which point, you get thrown headfirst into the walls of the room (the in game mechanics, those walls. Not the literal walls. maybe those too.)

Turns out that the guy who ignored you and walked past you is the boss.

But theres no change in bgm. The same normal music plays throughout the fight. You dont even see a health bar, but its going on. 

Now, I'm expecting people to kinda just drop what they're doing at this stage, and go online to check if the game was broken or not.

Seems like a fun idea.

2) Doctor Who: The Doctor revisits.

For those of you who dont know, this show originally started on Nov 23rd, 1963 and has been on air since (except for a gap between 1989 and 2005) and had its 50th anniversary special on Nov 23rd, 2013. 

The headcannon goes as such:

In the latest episode, The return of Doctor Mysterio, we have mentions of a lot of older episodes and events. Most notably, the paradoxes in New York, caused by the events of the episode "The Angels take Manhattan"; the mention of how he usually gets an invasion "every christmas", a reference to the christmas specials before now.

But the two that stood out to me were these:

He went back and restored Nardole (even it was for selfish reasons like not being alone), and he kept dropping in to check on Grant when he was younger.

This sends a message that the doctor goes back. He doesnt actually leave like people keep thinking he does.

'Course, we see this with 10 and 11 too. When 10 was regenerating, he went back through his life to say goodbye to people like Jack, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Martha and Rose. 

But this one made me think of two things:

Firstly, Donna Noble. I want to think that he went back and kept looking her up, once he became 12, to make sure that she was alright. This new doctor was one born of hope and forgiveness.

I want there to be moments when the Doctor and Donna bump into each other as they enter/exit a book store or a coffee shop.

I want there to be a moment of "Oh, Im so sorry, I didnt see you there" by Donna, and the Doctor going "No problem Donna. Be careful." and walking out before she can register that a random grey haired man knew her name.

Secondly, the scene from the 50th Anniversary Special "The Day of the Doctor".

There is this scene where 3 incarnations of the Doctor are in the Tower of London and they're talking about getting out. 

I have a clip of it, but the video is darkened to avoid copyright issues.

For my headcannon, listen to the first 30 seconds, and then go to about 3 minutes in, and watch from there.

Im guessing that after 24 years with River song, there was a day when the doctor kept thinking to himself that despite being a timelord and knowing what future events would take place, he was powerless to save River in the library.

Now, having known River Song's fate all the way back when he was 10, it would have been sitting with him for quite some time.

Having spent 24 years with River on Darilium, the significance of that memory would have been quite large.

When she left to go to the Library, he sat there for one day, and remembered the events.

He smiled slightly when he remembered that he had "saved" River. 

But his companion was gone. He was alone.

He would feel loneliness that would consume him.

"What is the point of being a time lord if you cant go back in time and save one person? Why couldnt I do something about it? I had almost 1100 years to make the design on the screwdriver better. To make it do more than just save her."

In that moment, I would like to believe that the doctor would glance at his own sonic screwdriver, and as its lights rotated in a set pattern, he would remember the phrase

".. implanting the calculation as a permanent subroutine in the software architecture..."

Almost instantly, he would jump into the Tardis, and walk out into the cell within the tower of London.

He points.

The door crumbles.

He smirks. Not a fully maniacal smirk. Just a "Still got it." type of smirk.

He hesitates before stepping back into the Tardis and makes up his mind to go help Nardole. The emotions on his face never showing.

Yeah, I should have written a lot more headcannons, but considering how hectic the end of the year have been, I just have to settle for two.

But I leave you with this.

If in the future, the world slows its revolution around the sun to add 52 extra days (a BIG what if, I know.) would the people then make their weeks an eight day one? Or make an extra month and add the remaining days to Feb and the other months, to "fix them"?

My first blog post of the year.

I hope you enjoy reading it.

And I hope you like the music that I've linked.

Welcome to 2017.

Have a good one.

My Jar of Hearts

There are a few things about myself, which I talk about openly, and this is one of them:

I have a genuine fear of being forgotten, and have no memory of myself left. In fact, that's why I write my book, and this blog (although tbh, the blog needs to be updated far more often than it has been.) That, one day we become a name, passed casually in the future, as if we are some obscure figure.

But today, things changed.
Normally I refrain from mentioning people by name, but today I refrain from such restraint.

Today was my farewell, in the BIF club. Since this post is being written entirely for the eyes of the people who were there today, I feel like it would be remiss to introduce our club at this interval of time.

You know a farewell is good, when at the end of it, you momentarily forget the food, and all you can remember was the experience. :)

I joined BIF in my second year, and during a time when I wasnt in a good place, in all honesty. The depression had begun, and I was none the wiser about both that, and my steadily deteriorating medical condition. Nonetheless, I joined with great fervor and dove in, so to speak.

This club has been a part of the greater part of two years, and in that time I have grown a lot as a person, experienced so much, and made a tonne of new friends. As sentimental as that may be, it rings true nonetheless.

I have now seen the rise of three Boards in this club, been a part of one of them, and will probably be seeing the rise of a 4th as well. The passing of my own board was witnessed with some trepidation, with me thinking, "Can they really handle it? It's not as easy as it looks!"
But they did. And how! They've exceeded all expectations which I had, and then some more. The Alphas became the board, and the Betas became the Alphas. The club got stronger, and around GraVITas, it became well known. People knew what Becoming I meant.
All work, done by the current board, and the current BIF.

I have worked with the R&D department (hell, I founded it), in BIF, and through it, met and worked with some INCREDIBLE people! It was an experience which has been both harrowing at times, and honestly the most rewarding, and gratifying as well. It was something I was reluctant to give up, but i dismissed such thoughts with the advent of the new R&D.

I have worked with members of the Board, people who joined in the same year as me, and whom I've worked with closely for some time now. I will admit, I have not seen eye to eye with them on a lot of things, easily, but that doesnt mean I didnt like working with them overall. This farewell brought to the forefront something which I had not fully acknowledged: I would never work with these people again. I know that the board had been passed on to the next set, quite some time back, but the full impact of that wasnt felt till today.
To these people, I say Farewell, and best wishes for all your future endeavors.

So what happened in the farewell?
Uh...

(Insert mandatory flashback scene, filled with snippets from a crazy-filled 3 hours with some of the biggest, and most awesome, freaks I've had the pleasure of working with)

Now wasnt that fun?

Wait... Fun? We're leaving, and essentially this was stamping that into a finality, and we still had fun. I will admit, to my introvert part, it seemed odd, but then the farewell kicked it up a notch, and all misgivings fell into oblivion. Much appreciated people :)

So those were the seniors leaving. Leaving behind the third years, and second years.
What do I say about these people?

Yes, they're human, they make their mistakes, they are hot blooded and sometimes react when they shouldnt, and other times dont do anything when they should.
They are humans. But they are incredible.
Having been here for 2 years now, I have personally seen everyone who has worked with us, and I am legitimately glad to have worked with these people. I mention the length of my stay here for two reasons. Firstly, the amount of time and effort I have put into this club is in no means, any small amount. Secondly, I feel like they are going to take the club to an extent which even I havent seen in 2 years here. Kudos to them :D

But that makes them amazing. Know why they're incredible?

Remember I mentioned what my greatest fear was? And then I mentioned that a farewell must be good if you forget about the food and remember the experience.

At the end of the farewell, we got a small plastic jar, with messages written by the people we've worked with, interacted with, and bossed around :P
Reading those messages genuinely made me happy, and for a moment made me forget my neurosis, gave me hope for the club and its future.

I AM slightly annoyed though, with two things:
The major thing people took away with working with me was that I am crazy, hyperactive, and that I dislike my actual name :P
And, when I said "Hang on... What happened to the Rapid Fire round for the REST of the Board?" translated to "Lets all get together and Roast Ryan." (Although, The roast was good :P )

Guys! Its been an AMAZING 2 years! Yes, There have been moments (quite a few) where I have considered doing something violent over something stupid, but there have been FAR more moments where I have been happy in this club, proud of you all, and generally thankful that I got to be a part of this club.


Love you all.
Cherishing every memory.
Stay awesome,
be crazy,
dont let anyone tell you that you cant be epic.
Signing out (For now),
Ex Board Member,
One of the ORIGINAL Alphas (the others left)
Head Honcho of BIF :P
Ex RND Head,
Badass Supreme

Narayanan Mohan
(Ryan)

Will miss you freaks like you wouldnt believe.


PS. The song from today, which I was to name?
Dance Dance by Fall Out Boy
Why?
We both like it, and its an Awesome (if weird) song. Deal with it :P